The Dog Police

In my hometown, the local radio station would allow one lucky caller each weeknight to sick the "Dog Police" on someone who had wronged them. Essentially this meant that the DJ let you say the name of who you were upset with live on the air and then they played this catchy little jingle with dogs barking.
One week I was the lucky caller and I sicked the dog police jingle on John, a new guy at my school who had wronged my friend, Stacey. (Or so she said)

Immediately after the jingle played John called me at home.
Me: Hello?
John: Is this Penny?
Me: Yes
John: This is John ____.
Me: (silence)
John: Why did you do that?
Me: (In terrified defense) Because of what you did to Stacey.
John: You don't even know me.
Me: more silence
John hangs up

To this day, I can still hear him say that last sentence. "You don't even know me." The guy had a good argument there.

A week later John was my boyfriend. I never so much as held his hand, but he asked the magical question and I said yes. On Valentines Day I gave him a relatively expensive ID bracelet with his name engraved on it. He gave me a relatively expensive (possibly stolen) gold heart locket. Immediately therafter this note was handed to me by his friend, Beto.

For several years John held the title of being The Only Person Who Ever Broke Up With Me.